What Holds YOU Back? Request for questions


“If we become addicted to the external, our interiority will haunt us. We will become hungry with hunger no image, person, or deed can still. To be wholesome, we must remain truthful to our vulnerable complexity.” (John O’Donahue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom)

Maybe you’re feeling a little disconnected from your own self. Maybe your own complexity feels terribly overwhelming sometimes. 

It happens. No harm. No foul. 

But now that you’ve seen that about yourself…you can never un-see it. We all know how that is.

So, what’s a person to do? 

There are so many good Ways, so much wisdom to help us back to the whole self. 

And lots of ways to get side tracked or confused.  


I plan on writing a weekly blog that addresses questions and concerns that you all have in addition to my own musings and journey for cultivating ongoing wholeness and health, the fullest integration of my various aspects I can muster. 

So I really want to know, what do you feel gets in YOUR way? 

What holds you back? 

What would YOU like to change, want support in changing? 

What questions do you have about how to proceed on the path to remaining true to your own vulnerable complexity? 

What confuses or perplexes you? 

Do you try to establish good habits and then feel them fall away and wonder how to maintain them? 

Do you think that meditation is an act of DOING, just one more pesky thing to cross off your already very full to-do list? 

Do you feel a certain tyranny that your cell phone holds over you and sometimes wonder where all your time has gone? 

Have you read every self-improvement book on the shelf and still wonder why things feel kind of fucked up? 

There are no small or stupid questions. The only bad questions are the ones that go un-asked. 

Please send me your questions here in the comments or if you want a more private communication, send me an email or private message. 

Your questions will be the fuels that inspires new articles in my website and for a new weekly project on Medium

Make an amazing week folks! 

I can’t wait to see your questions and hear your thoughts. 

May you all find peace and fully become the artists of your lives you truly are.

 🙏🏽🙏🏾🙏🏼🙏🏿🙏🏻🦄❤🎈

Hillary 

Daily Practice is Never a Waste of Time


“Daily practice is never a waste of time.” (Sharon Salzberg)

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Even though we might not see the fruits of our practice right away (like, while we are actually DOING our formal practice, while our butts are on the cushion or bench or whatever), we CAN have confidence that the fruits WILL come.

Sometimes the effects might be very subtle or we might not feel it or notice it, but then something HAPPENS! (Cuz you KNOW life is ALWAYS going to give us opportunities) And then – BOOM! We suddenly notice that the way we are reacting is DIFFERENT than it was before.

This weekend at Kripalu, while I was on retreat with Sharon Salzberg and Stephen Cope, Sharon told a funny story about one of the first weeks she ever sat and did Metta practice all alone. She spent the week focusing on her self, using Metta phrases like, May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be strong, may I have ease of well-being. She said the whole week felt sort of dull and boring; nothing interesting happening at all and that she was sort of wondering if she hadn’t wasted a week because she didn’t feel anything special while she was sitting and practicing.

But then life intervened. A friend got sick and a bunch of the folks sitting had to leave the retreat center to go help them. In the rushing around of getting ready to leave the center, she dropped a big glass jar of some kind, sending shards of glass all over the place. A real mess. She noticed that her first thoughts were, God, you’re a clutz but I love you. She realized in that moment, that in the past she would have really been angry at herself and that clearly something had in fact been happening during her week of  Metta practice toward herself.

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Perhaps we are calm when we might’ve flown off the handle. We don’t holler like we would have done just last week or last year. (Like when the cats woke you up at four a.m., hollering for food even though you just got home from an intense weekend. AND, even though you did just feed them a few short hours ago… Don’t they KNOW you need some sleep for God’s sake!) In fact, this did happen to me this morning and I know I handled it totally differently than I have in the past.

In the past, I’ve experienced the rapid heartbeat of being startled awake and muttering under my breath or even actually hollering at the cats. A lot of  God damn it, why can’t they just shut up or be more like a dog and wait for the freaking food to arrive when I get up! A spray bottle of water has been involved many times. In the process, I’ve awakened my sleeping husband, who has the amazing capacity to sleep through absolutely anything! And how does he sleep like that? Why doesn’t he wake up and feed them? I got these cats FOR HIM after all. Shouldn’t he be taking care of them not me! Doesn’t anyone see the terrible injustice which I am now suffering!? ARGH!

I have stormed down the stairs fuming and slammed food into their dishes and wondered in my raging head, how  much longer will the darn beasts actually LIVE! (They are now 18 years old, heading toward 19 with no obvious sense of physical decline.) And in case you think I’m a cat hater, know this: I am not a cat hater. New to living with cats, yes. But I love them and for proof, feel free to check my Facebook or Instagram feeds for copious evidence. Pinky, who adopted me with a fierce and adoring intensity after my dog Tiger, died, has been renamed by me, AKA The Assistant. He actually has his own hashtag. He’s a happy part of my daily writing life. He tells me when it’s time for a break by jumping up and laying across my arm so I can do nothing other than pat him. Put down that pen Mom. And I listen to his furry feline wisdom.

This morning, when they woke me, I was really tired from a day of traveling back from retreat, but I could just empathize with the reality that they were hungry and needed food. They have the communication skills they do (meowing, box and paper shredding Very Loudly for a few examples) and use them well. I was able to have a feeling of tender appreciation of their plight rather than anger. The weekend of Metta practice definitely is already making a HUGE difference. Sharon, my cats thank you deeply for your teachings. 

I tiptoed down the stairs, picked Pinky up and cuddled him and quietly opened the can of food and plopped some into their dish and actually enjoyed the funny sounds they make while eating. It’s like a super yummy sound (think Young Frankenstein) with lots of lip smacking and purring. How wonderful to do something which created so much kitty happiness so easily. Then I crawled back into bed for a little extra R&R. Shortly after, I had two furry cuddle buddies. It doesn’t get much better than that.

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Though our formal practice might have felt kind of boring, or uninteresting, under the surface we were changing and it just took having an opportunity (something life will ALWAYS give us) to see that change become manifest.

So have courage yogis! Have some faith.

Look closely at your thoughts, the things you say and things you do.

I bet if you look with a close attention, you will notice that you’re changing slowly, bit by bit.

Your daily practice is NEVER a waste of time.

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May all be happy. May all be peaceful.

Crying on the Yoga Mat


“Mr. Duffy lived a short distance form his body.” – James Joyce

Lying on my yoga mat last night in class, between poses,  just grateful to be there even though I’m sweating like crazy and thinking I must really stink when the teacher, Jessica Young of Tejas Yoga in Chicago (also a friend and killer human being, writer, defender of rights of all beings) comes to adjust my posture. 

Jess is calling out the cues for postures and I’m following along like a dog, a grateful yoga dog, breathing (ok sometimes it sounds like feels more like panting,) and stretching as much as I can.

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I’m beginning to stop being such a border collie and going full out into what could be way too much for me on a given day and accepting the body as it is, day by day.

Striking that blessed balance between effort and ease.

I just love that I can come here and someone else will tell me what to do to help me heal my body and my spirit, my heart and my mind. An hour or more of asanas, one after the next after the next. Lots of sweating.

Finally, the rest pose, corpse pose, savasana. And I love that Jess clicks on the AC , “to take the edge off.” I pull a blanket over my body with deep gratitude. Savasana is often an emotional time for me. Whatever has been under the surface comes bubbling up.

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I love that yoga class ends with this. Well it doesn’t “End” with it but it does marks the beginning of the end of each and every class.

Corpse pose, letting everything fall away and down, the brain resting in the back of the head, the eyeballs falling into the little craters in my face, the occipital orbits.

And the breath just happening on its own, letting go of all effort-fulness.

So last night, I’m lying there, suddenly my husband’s words about gentleness and living gently come to me and I’m crying; the tears leaking out of eyes and running into my ears. I don’t move but let them come. I let go even of worry and analysis.

I’m feeling grateful for his presence and what feels like a total softening of our whole thing together. I wonder if it’s all the Metta practice I’ve been up to lately or all the shit that’s come down in the last weeks or so, but I guess I don’t really have to know. I can tell you this: We have both lived our lives util we knew each other, under a great deal of duress and extremes which are next to the words in the dictionary: not gentle living. (if that was a real entry)

It feels good this gentleness. Like crazy good. Like we are finally relaxing into who we really are, deep inside. Healing the wounds. Developing the gifts. But that’s another idea for later.

After corpse pose, there’s the rolling over to the side into a fetal position and taking breaths there and when ready, allowing yourself to be born again, using the strength of the arms and the breath to press yourself up into a sitting posture. Then Om Shanti Shanti Shanti, and final gratitude and wishes for all beings to find peace. 

I love being reborn every time I unroll my mat. Where else can I get that?

I end class with this. So simple yet challenging to live out fully: Committing to being here each moment as it is, but really being here instead of a short distance away.

I wish you well.

Thank you so much for stopping by.

Hillary

6 Steps to De-Stress During High Stress Times


One of my students is going through a very high stress time right now. She’s a college student preparing for the MCAT test. A grueling seven-hour monster that a pre-requisite for getting into medical school (The Medical College Admission Test® (MCAT®), developed and administered by the AAMC, is a standardized, multiple-choice examination created to help medical school admissions offices assess your problem solving, critical thinking, and knowledge of natural, behavioral, and social science concepts and principles …) – Just reading this is enough to give a person a stress headache!
So, maybe you ‘re not taking a test like that but you have your own stressful stuff unfolding. The transition form spring into summer can do that. Kids getting out of school, work seasons change, job hunting, dealing with illnesses, etc. etc. I thought that it might be helpful for you all for me to share what I taught her today: Six Steps to De-Stressing During High Stress Times
So this week, try these out and please, let me know how it goes if you like. What questions come up? I’m happy to support you any way I can.
1. Journal about what you ingest, food, drink, friends, entertainments etc. What we put into the mind, body and spirit is what we become. Put another way, what we surround ourselves with is what we become. So it makes sense to really pay attention to what all that stuff is and examine it for ourselves, asking the question of each thing: Is this beneficial or wholesome for me or not? I encourage you to keep the log first and then examine it all for patterns and benefits or detriments.
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2. Meditate on a regular schedule. It’s can also be quite beneficial to do a brief bit of journal writing before and after you practice. This doesn’t have to go on for long, even a few minutes of writing can provide a great deal of insight when paired with meditation.  It’s not unusual to have a hard time creating a regular schedule but, boy, is it ever good for you. Your heart and mind like the rhythm of regularity and the discipline of sticking to something good for you.
3. Regulate your sleep, food and exercise as much as you can. You are in charge of making choices about what you do. Ask your friends to support you in this. So if you say no to some activity like a party that will go too late or be a little too crazy for you right now, for example, they shouldn’t beg you to come along but trust your discernment and support you. Also see number 2.
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4. Do walking meditation before sitting practice. This helps energize, stabilize and focus your mind and body for sitting meditation.
5. Try the PRO technique: Pause, Relax, Open offered by mindfulness expert Elisha Goldstein
6. If you like, comment here when you practice meditation and I’ll send you a hi-five in return and a meditation tip!
May you be well, safe, happy, may you live with ease.
With Metta,
Hillary
Metta

Mindful Metta Mondays In Evanston


So excited, humbled, honored to announce that I’ll be teaching at this amazing place, The Heartwood Center, in Evanston.


Mindful Metta Mondays start Monday June 6th, 7-8pm at the Heartwood Center!
Four-week sessions in June, July and August. $72 for the month or $20 drop in. Registration will open in the next day or so. Each session will integrate meditation and writing to help us cultivate Metta or loving kindness for ourselves and each other.

Loving kindness 


  

Work as a Spiritual Practice


I made a discovery recently.

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Lots of people  are going to work drugged, perhaps slightly intoxicated with drugs or alcohol, to numb themselves or highly overstimulated with everything from Red Bull to what we used to call uppers. I know this to be true because people have been telling me about in hushed, confessional, frequently whispered conversations., followed by fits of nervous laughter.

I have no idea what all the reasons for this are, of course. None of us, as far as I know, has a super power that lets us read minds or know what’s really going on in the hearts of others. Exploration of this kind of thing is the stuff of books handled by writers wiser than me.

But I do know this. We suffer frequently because of what’s going on in our own hearts and minds, because of anger, frustration, lack of compassion for ourselves and others.

And that?

That’s something we can do something about. We can practice loving kindness at work. Here then, are some guidelines for simple, portable, adaptable practice. I invite you to give it a try and see how it goes for you. Of course, I’d love to hear back from you, how it goes, what questions might come up along the way.

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Loving Kindness Practice

We start with ourselves because we so infrequently give ourselves the kind of TLC that we all really need but perhaps do not receive very frequently. I think of it as being at least for a few moments, ideal parents for ourselves.

May I be safe

May I be happy

May I be strong

May I live with ease

Then we extend the circle further to include some beloved one in our lives, human or otherwise. Pets are okay too!

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be strong

May you live with ease

Then we extend further still to include some familiar stranger. Someone we see around in our daily lives but don’t really know. We might not even know their names. Just the face is familiar.

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be strong

May you live with ease

Next we expand our circle further to include even those who we feel has caused us some suffering or some trouble. It’s probably a good idea not to pick the most traumatic or most difficult person or situation right off the bat. No need to overload ourselves. Vulnerability doesn’t mean, throw yourself under a bus.

We can try to remember that everything this person has done and in fact everything we ourselves do arises from a desire to reduce suffering, stress, agitation, unhappiness. Obviously sometimes, this doesn’t go so well and pain arises. But because we tend to place ourselves at the exact center of the universe and find ourselves faultless, (compared to all those other folks out there, we can forget that we are all culpable. We are all implicated in the world’s suffering.

And so, to the best of our ability, we can work with this with some compassion and spirit of generosity. When we feel harmed by someone, instead of going immediately to anger, we can call up the opposite feeling and send wishes for peace and so forth to the target of our anger or frustration.

You may feel some resistance doing this. That’s okay. Just notice what’s arising and if it feels a little too intense, just allow yourself to back off some and move on to the next step in the progression. Otherwise, just work with what you have right here and now, whatever capacity you may have, even it’s a very tiny sliver of compassion, the most infinitesimal spark of lovingkindness, and send what you have out there as sincerely as you can.

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be strong

May you live with ease

Finally, we send these wishes out to all beings with whom we share this planet/time: visible and invisible, seen and unseen, known and unknown, large and small. We recognize that all beings, even the tiniest, one-celled organism moves toward food and away from toxicity. Are we not the same? We all want what feels good and all feel a desire to move away from what is unpleasant.

You might say that in terms of going off the cliff of anger, that allowing ourselves to do this, unconsciously all the time, makes no more sense than driving our car off a cliff. I mean, we wouldn’t have to think twice about that. It just doesn’t make sense to drive our car off a cliff. (Everybody dies!) In the same way, it makes no sense to go off the cliff of anger.

We can practice with remembering that we’re all in this together and just keep sending out the good vibes. When this feels hard to do, when we feel ourselves getting irritated, we can simply remember that this is why we call it practice!

May all beings be safe

May all beings be happy

May all beings be strong

May all beings live with ease

The more we practice this, the easier it gets to be. The words may run just under the surface of everything we do and becomes easier to call up into the moment. We can practice at work, on the train, on public transportation, when in line at the grocery store.

With time, we find the world and our own hearts softening just a bit. We may notice we’re slightly less inclined to fly off the handle. The ripple effect of this is huge.

Think of it. It’s easy to see that each moment is most colored, affected, shaped by the preceding moment. If we’re angry in this moment, we’re more likely to be cranky and angry in the next moment. It becomes snowball of negative emotions. On the other hand, if we aiming for peace and happiness in this moment, we’re more likely to feel peaceful and happy in the next moment too. That’s a much nicer emotional snowball to have rolling don’t you think?

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I urge you to try it wherever you are. Sharon Salzberg calls this Street Lovingkindness. We can in this way, enter each moment more aware of what’s going on, less reactive and more responsive. Once you do the practice a lot, the words will be right there for you. And feel free, if you can remember them exactly to let them go and just use whatever words of kindness come to you in the moment.

Thanks for stopping by.

Hillary

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